TimWoolery.net Documenting the Journey and the Learning Curve

#70 – Overcoming the Writer’s Block

Life being the weird little ride that it is, it's wise to know that you will continue learning throughout the process. I believe I mentioned that before?

Anyway, so I'm still learning stuff. I'm still reminded (forcibly, sometimes) that I don't know everything. Learning stuff not necessarily related to the technical aspects of my job but more of that life-growth-stuff. That stuff that would make Daniel Stern's voice ring in Fred Savage's ear during "The Wonder Years". I can't pass it on immediately because some things need to be distilled through time and your own noggin before you can regurgitate it in some recognizable way.

The thing that erupts out of that is that you find yourself so stuffed with thought, opinion, counter-opinion and belief that it makes you loath to really say anything. Then it makes people ask you why you haven't updated your web page lately and it's because you don't really know what you should say. But then, something pops out of you like a hairball and you breathe easier because the thing you were supposed to be learning and understanding became this burden; doing more harm than good. Experience is a harsh teacher, someone said that, danged if I know who.

It's not within my belief system to comment on what's going on today (11/2) as well as the general brouhaha that lead up to it for the past 11 months. I know that I'm sick of hearing of it all and am ready for it to be over. Some things were articulated that I think bear repeating. Jon Stewart's commentary on how news channels are really "news" channels and that the line between opinion and news, journalism and entertainment are now broken. Infotainment, infopop, whatever you want to call it ? major sources of information have ceased to be the impartial totems they always claim to be. They are biased and they make no bones about it. They're trying to sell you on a line of thinking, an idea. It's called a 24 hour news channel but it really is a 24-hour commercial for a way of life and a point of view. It's propaganda and you're paying to watch it. Even Josef Gobbels couldn't come up with that in his craziest opium-induced nightmare.

People love to cite how society has become what George Orwell was railing against in 1984. Too much knowledge of personal information, wars designed to keep the populace producing and introducing fake prejudices to support the agenda of the powers that be. Fascinating ideas but I don't think Orwell realized one of the basic tenets ? people don't want to be miserable. Totalitarianism only goes so far, as evidenced by fascist regimes of yesteryear. People will revolt against the system in place if they get angry enough and desperate enough. Far better to let them think they have a choice. Distract them with meaningless dramas that blind them to greater dangers. Keep pushing the idea (however subliminal) that things are fine and that there's nothing more urgent that's going on other than who wore what to which award ceremony. Which cast member of Friends got sick last week and who's been seeing engaging in public copulation this week.

The underlying wrongness of it all is evidenced in their manic hold on anything that symbolizes sameness and tradition. The tradition helps them think that things will be okay eventually. We (the general population of the US) go into the mad season, the financial quarter that every retail establishment hangs their existence upon. You're inundated with catalogs, commercials and ads that just ooze that lifestyle. Which lifestyle? That lifestyle ? you know what I'm talking about. The one that presupposes the following:

1. You're white.

2. You're rich, with lots of liquid cash.

3. You have kids ? they are perfect.

4. You are psychologically disciplined to consume goods and services.

5. Your life has copious amounts of free time in which to indulge in all kinds of recreation (preferably the time that have the adjective "extreme" in front of them).

I'll keep going on this and then get back to my main point. Living like this makes people more miserable, not less. They see the catalog and some mammalian section of their brain makes the connection between the object being offered and the lifestyle you want to achieve. Who doesn't want time enough to travel the world doing nothing more than playing sports and experiencing things? Who wouldn't want to live like that? The part that's never even hinted at in the fine print is that you'd be living a lie and you would be living in a way that less than one-tenth of one percent of the world's population could even hope to live.

And so ? yes, we live in an Orwellian society. We're on the way to being microchiped and watched and observed and those little coupons that you get printed on the back of your grocery receipt come from a database that can be easily manipulated to alert the ATF whenever you buy Basmanti rice, Doritoes AND a 12-pack of Lemon Coke because these three items are proven to be the most consumed snack item of an Islamic terrorist near you. And while you blithely ignore the warning signs in favor of the Coke Pre-show slides at Century Theatres, the rest of the world lives in a squalor usually not seen in the US unless it features a thumping techno soundtrack and two girls making out in the middle of it all.

The errors continue to mass, the things that are just so dang wrong with the world continue. But who cares? We're getting 450 channels on digital cable with a plasma TV and Comcast wants me to know Everything Celine Dion when I log in to check my e-mail messages. 12 messages, 12 are spam. 12 messages from people I don't know and don't like who want me to spend time and money on their crap. Put on my Sony headphones and ride my Raleigh bike and by the way did you happen to notice my Nike shoes and my board shorts from Arizona that help me look like AN INDIVIDUAL?

Right ? so again, I'm on a ride with an unknown destination. This usually involves a lot of frustration until I grasp the concept at which point the knowledge will dawn on me and this little light bulb will go off in my head. Until then, I continue to live in this perpetual state not unlike a boat on the stormy sea. I live with this constant frustration of not knowing which way to go and not knowing why I am so frustrated. And at the utter end of it all, I live with the frustration of knowing that the thing that keeps me from being at peace is something so blindly and blithely simple that I'll be amazed that it took so long when I come to it. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to growing up, growing in my thinking. It's not physically painful but it's darn close.

-Tim Woolery - 11/3/04