TimWoolery.net Documenting the Journey and the Learning Curve

#08 – The Death of the Star Wars Franchise

Okay folks, it's been confirmed. The so-called "musicians" of the boy-band N'Sync are to be a part of Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. It's a small cameo, they even get killed after their minute of film or less; it's not even a credited role. I learned of this interesting development this afternoon while watching E! Online, it's also been talked about by MTV, VH1 and several big name news organizations. This is beyond rumor folks, the threat is real, the target is live: George Lucas has sold out - big time. "How can you say he's sold out, Tim? Isn't this his movie to sell?" It's a valid point and I'm willing to agree with you; however, I believe Star Wars as a movie and story have grown far beyond the capacity of one man to control, even its creator, and this leads me to my latest rant.

Every die-hard fan remembers the first time they saw the movies. So many happy memories were generated in a dark, popcorn-smelling theatre as we watched the best space operas unfold before us. They were the classic good-versus-evil movies, where heroes carried guns, flew hotrods and saved the girl all in under two hours. Lucas drew on the mythologies of a dozen countries to produce this epic, feel free to find out who Loki the Skywalker was on your own time. So many ideas were introduced to us in those films: evil alien gangsters who had no visible legs, personnel carriers that looked like giant metal dinosaurs. He made us feel like we really were riding inside an asteroid field or chasing full-tilt through a forest at a hundred miles an hour with no seat belt. He also brought together old generation British film stars with new generation American actors, some of whom went on to become major film icons in their own right. Unsurprisingly, the toy, music, book and movie markets saw a cash cow erupting right beneath their feet and they leaped right on for the ride. We bought into it all, of course. Do you still have a Star Wars action figure? I still have an original Boba Fett, watching me as I write this. Long after the movies came to video and we watched our fill, we kept our eyes open for any new parts of the saga; finally, they came. The books, first with Timothy Zahn's release of the Star Wars sequels, then hints of re-releasing special editions of the first movie, with improved special effects. Then, joy of joys! He's finally releasing the first installment that we waited for patiently for seventeen years.

Storm clouds were on the horizon. After the release of the Zahn trilogy, others followed. While I enjoyed mightily the things I read in Heir to the Empire, Dark Force Rising and The Last Command, the other books from Kevin J. Anderson, Michael Stackpole, Kathy Tyers and Dave Wolverton were not of the same caliber. My smile began to slip, a little. I watched as the Star Wars section in Waldenbooks rivaled the Star Trek section that I had been making so much fun of for years. I used to say it, "The difference between Star Wars and Trek is that Lucas wouldn't sell out and let people do that to his baby." I had to stop saying it and began watching in grim silence as the section widened. My hope was reignited when the first trailers of Episode 1 came out. Were you like me? Did you chase them down on the Internet the very second they became available? My excitement grew as I was asked to become an usher for the company as they previewed it four days before opening day. Omigod! Stuff like that only happens once in a lifetime. Then, the tragedy of Episode 1 hit me like a ton of bricks: it wasn't good. No, worse than that: It was awful. How could this happen? Lucas could do no wrong, right?

Eighteen months after the release of Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, I realize that we have witnessed the ending of an era. I was brought up with the idea that Santa Claus and all of Christmas was fake, so I never had to experience the disappointment of learning that fact. However, I've been through this, and I'm sure that it's pretty close. For all of you still convinced the man can do no wrong, I hold today's announcement up as proof. Does anyone really need explaining on why this drives a stake into the heart of everything we held dear about these films? In case you do, let's review: Star Wars was a life-changing epic for a generation of American kids. One of the main lessons we learned, was that a local kid (G.L.) could go to UCLA film school, make some movies and come up with a culture-changing, genre-making story. It broke all the rules, there were no famous actors (by American standards, a nod to my Brit friends), it wasn't a big budget, it just was amazing and that's all it took.

By all rights, Star Wars is a fairy tale, even Lucas says so. Fairy tales transcend generations, provide morals, make us think and, above all, are a fun experience. Star Wars has achieved that status, it has grown larger than the person who created it. Star Wars, as a story, no longer belongs to George Lucas, it belongs to the minds and hearts of the people it touched. In our own generation we've witnessed the creation of something that will outlive us and that fact should give us all, including Lucas, some pause for thought. In the past ten years, we've watched this fairy tale spread out and grow into some huge, bloated, corporate behemoth. It's no longer the pure, sweet story we remember. Now it's fleshed out, every character explored, new ones invented and explored and stories upon stories written just to slap the brand on and put it on the shelf. The toys and games and software sell us the story at the expense of itself. At some point, Lucasfilm and Lucasarts should have known when to say when.

Let's take a lesson from previous generations. Other fairy tales, like Snow White, The Tin Soldier and Peter Pan, knew when to quit. There's a reason that most of these stories end after a few pages with a moral or with "and they lived happily ever after." It's because if we explored every part of Snow White's character, she would cease to be the perfect woman who overcomes adversity to marry her handsome prince. She would become a neurotic perfectionist with deep-seated rage at the dysfunctional Wicca who put her under that spell. We might see her show up on a talk show to talk about her experience, read the tell-all novel, the story would lose it's appeal, and we'd move on to something else.

Star Wars has now generated over a hundred different novels by dozens of authors each trying to produce their take on an invented universe. For any story to be good, the plot must be interesting, the characters must be believable and it, above all, should try to be as real as possible. Not that it would make the reader try to go out and buy an Incom X-Wing fighter, but it should work to establish some common ground with its reader before introducing a fantastic idea. In Episode 4, after the yellow scroll finishes rolling, we pan down to a view of a planet with desert type terrain. We can accept that because we?ve seen pictures of the Sahara from space and this looks pretty close. But, wait! Now a small starship flies over our head, followed by a massive battleship that goes on for almost a mile. Now, that was something. Star wars has left that kind of establishing, we?re subjected to scenes like ?Veteran space pilot Bob Eubanks (notice, they?re always veterans) piloted his Dmxyreel space cruiser to the BX-411 outpost?. What a bunch of crap. Not only do I not care about the character, I?m trying to figure out how to pronounce ?Dmxyreel? and I?m not so sure it?s worth the effort.

A few transgressions can be forgiven, even if it were a rough-around-the-edges film but still followed the basic tenets of the Star Wars canon, it would still be good. However, Episode 1 didn?t follow the pattern of excellence of the first three movies and with these new announcements, it doesn?t appear that Episode 2 is likely to, either.

Star Wars transcends pop trends. Let?s say, just for the sake of argument, that someone convinced Lucas or Kasdan to put Menudo into Return of the Jedi in a cameo. Or the Bay City Rollers into Star Wars. These yutzes fell quickly from the limelight, the thought of them today is laughable. If these little pop groups were included, Star Wars would seem like some kind of commercial for their talent, as if it wasn?t pushed often enough through other channels, and it would have robbed the movies of their sincerity. Menudo and Bay City Rollers are gone now, and it will be the same with N?Sync someday soon as well, no doubt. However, the fact that George Lucas has pandered to the boy band of the minute will linger on long afterward, the authenticity of his story has been compromised.

There are things I?m going to miss about the first movies, like intelligent dialogue. When Carrie Fisher first became Princess Leia, it was a personal stretch for her to snootily say to Moff Tarkin (played impeccably by Peter Cushing): ?I thought I recognized your foul stench the moment I was brought on board.? She pulled it off, though, and the result was a great scene. Or look at the pitch-and-catch between Alec Guiness and Harrison Ford as they climbed out of the Falcon?s hidden cargo bays: ?Leave that to me.? ?Damn fool, I knew you were going to say that.? ?Who is the more foolish? The fool or the fool who follows him?? The dialogue was quotable, you didn?t get embarrassed repeating it endlessly to your friends. Know anyone who?s memorized Jar Jar?s lines chapter and verse? Or Anakin?s? Just what was up with an eight-year-old kid using a cheesy pick-up line on a 20-year-old queen? I keep imagining that Lucas tried that line out in a bar somewhere before putting it into the script ? the fan inside me kept groaning like a rusty gate. I wanted to scream after watching Jake Lloyd blow through a battle craft screen that experienced pilots couldn?t cope with, only to skip into a hanger, blow away everything in the universe and say ?Now this is pod racing!?

I?m also going to miss the fact that the villains weren?t stupid. When Leia produced a thermal detonator in Return of the Jedi, there was no fear in Jabba, no falling over himself. He just laughed and congratulated her at her new idea. Darth Vader would never have fallen for the fake handmaiden trick ? he would?ve blasted ?em both. Vader would also never have fallen for that leap and slash move from Kennobi at the end of Episode 1. Darth Maul?s spidey-sense should?ve been tingling big-time when he saw Ewan Macgregor looking in that direction. The other films had the decency to keep the cutesy parts to a minimum, or at least not make them part of the central storyline. It made the difference between Return of the Jedi and that God-awful TV movie Battle for Endor. We no longer have that distinction with Jar-Jar and the Gungans, who knows what horrors await us?

It was always taken for granted that Lucas was the man when it came to playing around with his universe. He put together Episode 4 on his own, writing and directing. 5 and 6, he had help on and I was always convinced that, if the movies were left entirely up to him, all of the cute crap would have been gone and the movies would have been improved exponentially. Now that he?s returned to the writing table and the directors chair, a new thought occurs. Perhaps it?s the other way around. Were the other writers and directors were helping the movies by low-balling the cute factor? It?s an interesting question.

The basic conclusion, having looked at all that has happened, is this: Star Wars, as a pillar of the counter-culture, is gone. A long time ago, in a boardroom not so far away, someone looked at the bottom line and said, ?Let?s make some money.? We?ve been experiencing the effects of that decision for ten years now. Lucas has no respect for the world he?s created and it?s time for the rest of us to come to terms with that: specifically, the us that makes up those idiots in the U.K. who put their religion as ?Jedi? or ?Jedi Knight? on the most recent census. Since it?s obvious that Star Wars has ceased to be anything but a money machine for Lucasfilm and Lucasarts, then it?s time for those of us who grew up on new ideas to go out and try a few of our own. Will it be easy? No. What about the good times? We still have them. I own copies of the original and Special Edition movies and I still have my action figures. But camp out for three days to see Episode 2? Not on your Nelly. I might see the movie after the lines have died down?if nothing else?s going on. I?ve invested so much time and thought into a universe that doesn?t exist. While it?s been fun, that place is growing tired, fake and old. I won?t be happy there, so I?m either going to find some interesting places in this universe, or go out and invent one of my own.

?You have failed me for the last time, Lucas? ? death by Force grip to follow.