TimWoolery.net Documenting the Journey and the Learning Curve

Point Break

The good news is that I'm getting better at taking bad news.  The bad news is that I'm not that good at taking bad news - I'm just better than I used to be.  Life provides little tests and gut checks from time to time.  I had one or several last week and it illustrates both progress and room for improvement.

The bad news?  The car got totaled.  *shrug*  At least everyone is okay.

Taking bad news seems to be something that you to be able to get on the same page about.  Getting on the same page means time and space.  Time and space means you shouldn't be expected to react right away.  Being expected to react right away probably means you aren't going to get what you hoped for.  Like the man fixing your shoes says, "you want it done now or you want it done right?"  You can work to manage your emotions, plan out things and keep everything calm but every once in a while, life comes in and punches a hole right through whatever defenses you have.  Death in the family, job loss ... whatever.  You're back to survival mode.  There's no room for urbanity in survival mode.  Maybe there is, but I haven't figured out how to do it yet.

I've been trying to use every opportunity to understand myself better.  I read the Bill Murray interview over at GQ today and one thing that I took away from it was this:  You can't win them all ... stop trying.  I think Murray has a talent for rising above everyone's expectations and remaining true to himself.  On one hand, it makes you look crusty and jerk-ish but on the other hand you're free of relationships that weren't doing anything for you.  I've had relationships that I've burned hours and months of time over Is there a point in trying to maintain a relationship like that?  By coincidence -the Adam Carolla Show from 2008 popped up with this gem and it spoke to me:

What I took from it was that sometimes my ego plays too big a role in my relationships and I work too hard to maintain something that isn't working.  Listen to the clues that it isn't working for you - people give you subtle hints when they don't want to be around you.  The more you refuse to see it, the less subtle they get and at some point drama ensues.  Stop it before it starts and take the hint when it comes around.  Accept it with a little dignity and class, let it go and move on with your life.  You won't have to work too hard to have the right people around you.

Another thing I've learned came out of this interesting article about the differences between Facebook and normal, human social networks.  It's why you don't want to friend your parents on Facebook and why friending on Facebook doesn't necessarily make you friends in real life.  I think that what I've learned is that I've been mis-handling the mechanics of my social networks by trying to fit some square pegs where there are only round holes.  When the drama happens, it rattles you and you start questioning every choice you make.  From our experiences last year, I've come to recognize this feeling and I know that it'll pass eventually and that things will sort themselves out.  No need to become maudlin or self-destructive.

I'm talked out for now and I've got work to do - catch you on the flip side.